January 2009
8 posts
If my best friend had a helicopter where would I...
This one is too easy. I’d fly it into his car.
This is your standard Jackass setup where WeeMan or Bam introduce either something they care about, or an unexpected access to their parents’ house, and the rest of the group proceeds to destroy it.
So obviously, the goal is to destroy the best friends’ helicopter, and if you can do so by involving another object they care...
My ideal Super Bowl halftime show would include...
The Running of The Douchebags
Mighty simple: Line up all the Lehman Brothers executives in one end zone. In the other end zone put a safety cage. Release 1000 pitbulls. Any exec that makes it into the safety cage wins!
How I'd spend $1,000
I’d head to the Marina with 50 $20 bills and set up in front of the fanciest liquor store I could find. I’d give every homeless dude a bill and make sure they told their friends to come get theirs as well. I’d double up on any of them that looked particularly wobbly.
I’d get my revenge for every calf-toned Marina hoochie who comes down to MY neighborhood every weekend...
If I were a superhero, I would certainly not wear...
I would dress like a Roman centurian and carry a bad-ass sword that glowed when evil was near and lightning shot out of and shit. I’d fly too. And have laser vision, and after kicking a criminal’s ass some little kid would come up to me and say something like “Damn, Titus Vaginus! You kicked that bad dude’s ASS!” and I’d tossle his hair and say “You...
Screw the taming...
Edinburgh Zoo 27-10-2007 14-49-22 by Glen Bowman (Glen Bowman)
After much house debate it was decided that Howard the Duck is NOT a wild animal. And although I totally disagree I’m gonna go ahead and switch to the African Honey Badger because WHEN IT IS WRONG, INSULTED, or SLIGHTED its’ main attack is shred the groin of its’ victim with sharp little claws and teeth.
...
Why my hip-hop posse would include Ryan Freitas
Ryan Freitas
…cause I’d want him to have to take a bullet for me.
In defense of my vice: pornography
Binned Porn by Nina Jean (nicasaurusrex)
When I was seven years old there was a fire across the street. The old dude who lived there was ok, but the next morning they piled up all his burnt crap on the sidewalk. We went through it and found boxes and boxes of porn. It smelled like smoke. To this day I still put my porn in the oven for 20 minutes as soon as I get it home.